It’s when I sit in the car on my own

And hold on to the steering wheel

Remembering that I could not steer Myself

And you out of this chaos

That’s when my throat becomes tight

And my nose and eyes get that bitter taste

The tears start to flow and my nose starts to run

I pinch my nose to avoid breathing

I look up and try to suppress the tears

I try to distract myself by thinking of something else

But time and time again, I lose to the heaviness in my chest

I sob to my Failures; I sob to losing you

And I sob to missing you deeply

It’s when I am laying in bed on my own

My hands hold on to the place you were supposed to be

The emptiness reminds me of my sins

That I was not strong enough for both of us

The darkness becomes my comforter

And the pillow becomes the basin for my tears

Yes, I have been physically moving on.

But from time to time, I lose composure

I think of what I could have done differently.

If only I could go back in time

I would do things differently

I would focus more on you and I

And I would give my all

Just to be able to hold you in my arms

A short poem for: Sydney

By: Nessa

Photo by Thilipen Rave Kumar: https://www.pexels.com/photo/selective-focus-photography-of-lighted-candles-1656369/